In Hospital. Again. So much pain!

So sorry for the late blog, but i have been incredibly ill these past few weeks. I thought if I went on a liquid diet by myself I would be able to give my gut a rest. It didn't work. So the four weeks that I have been living on soup, and sookie sweeties. It was a waste of time. I'm in so much pain, discomfort, and vomiting all the time. So I am writing this from my hospital bed. I am on a low residue diet, lots of painkillers and am here until midweek at least. I want to get this sorted this year, because I haven't had a break from this disease in about 5 years, I wish I could be a different person sometimes, because then I might actually have friends that will stick around, and people who don't walk away from you because things are too much for them. Its hard being ill, it drains you physically and mentally, especially when you have your whole life on hold. I am away from my family and friends (the ones I have left anyway), and I cant ever be a real girlfriend, because what guy wants to be around a girl who is ill all the time, you can just ask my ex, he is the perfect example of a boyfriend bailing! Luckily the one I have now is lovely, and has a weird thing about liking hospitals! but I enjoy being his girlfriend because he really cares about me. Sorry I keep going off on tangents here! So in hospital, getting an Illeoscopy on Monday, which is a camera going into your stoma to check where the crohns is. Hopefully it will be sorted.This is a horrible disease, and people don't realise how hard it is to deal with. You have constant pains in your stomach, in your side, everywhere really. You never know when your next "flare up" will be, you are in constant fear of being somewhere you wont be able to get back form if you are ill. So many things can go wrong. It rips through your body, and attacks itself. You live day to day, minute to minute really. You can never be sure of how your morning is going to be let alone your week. But what you have to do is get into the mindset of being healthy, and you can manage throughout the day, i get tired so easily and constantly need a seat. I am out of breath and in pain most days. But I am fed up putting things off because I'm ill! I want to live the rest of my teenage life as a teenager and not be a grown up! I want my life to be sorted and to be healthy. Things don't necessarily happen like that but you can only wish right? I have put all my trust into my GI doctor, and that is a hard thing for me to do,, when i was first sent to a Dr who specialised in Bowel Disease, he said it was IBS and now, I am where I am now. I don't trust all Dr's they have to earn it. I'm just scared that if I lose control of my health and how I handle things, they will screw up and I will be the one left to pick up the pieces. I cant do that, not again. So this Dr earned my trust and I pray to god he knows how to fix me, but I need to be able to control my medicine, that's the only catch.But I think I am finished my rant now. I will Keep you all posted on what is happening.
lots of love
Alexa
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